Hey guys again, just here to post another of those emails I feel really meaningful and hope it touched you.  Have a great day! 

 

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question.. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again..

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in amonth's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me..... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy...

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and thenslammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and droveaway.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card... I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

        After studying for my driving law test, I was quite confident I'll be able to at least pass it. Well, nothing strange or peculiar happened till I sat down on the computer for the test. The first thing it tested on was a color recognition test, which I thought would be super easy. Well, I failed the test on both my attempts which meant I couldn't even do the driving law test. Anyway, my instructor was certain I had made a mistake so I had to retake it at the driving headquarters. (JPJ) This time, I did even worse than the previous time and I was kinda startled by this time needing to be tested by an eye specialist. Am I color blind kept coming to my mind?
        Immediately, since there was time, my Dad brought me to the hospital eye specialist to be tested-private wasn't allowed. We found out that I am partial color blind or more specific, according to the doctor, I couldn't recognize colors when they are in a group and so my driving would really be hindered. When was that? Maybe in younger times, I had trouble differentiating purple and blue, but color blindness? Wow, I couldn't believe myself too that there was the possibility of not being able to drive for the rest of my life because this was genetic and inherited and won't be improved through the years. By the way, both my parents have no such problem. There was still a chance that the JPJ officer might approve me though was what the doctor said so here goes the testimony part. You may not find really a testimony, but it sure did change my attitude towards God and life.
        The next day, my instructor brought me to the JPJ to see if I would be approved. This was the officer's response: Since doctor say cannot drive, so cannot la. this hurt me the most since his response was a no-heart kind of thing. I was dissatisfied with his response and asked to see the higher-ranking officer. This guy was much more concerned and gave this are the main points of what he told me and my instructor. (the words in bracket are my unsatified reasons against)

1. Even though the doctor said I could only drive a personal and not a public vehicle, the doc put me as failing his color test, so he couldn't do anything about it. (Can't he overrule the doc's decision?)
2. I am color blind so that means you can be a danger to the public whenever you driving. (most accidents are cause by overdosed of alcohol or overspeeding, not color blindness?)
3. We will take what the doctor say as the answer. (no wonder they didn't allow private doctors-worried of bribery which I accepted sorryfully) 
4. And he said that, maybe since I wasn't that happy about it, he said he will let me see another doctor which maybe could be different. (this I thank God, not that my eyes were miraculously changed, but here goes)

       After going through the same ordeal which the previous doctor did, it came to the same conclusion, only that this doctor was smart enough to realize that the form which he was suppose to fill asked about my seeing colors individually not collectively (the previous doc said otherwise). Well, I certainly passed this single color test without much thought, and because of this, I might have the possibility of driving now, but this wasn't it yet, only then did I realize this guy wasn't a doc and the approval would only come from him.
       This was the hardest time for me since the big blow on my driving, waiting, waiting, and waiting for approval and at the same time, thinking of both the possibility of what may happen if things did not go my way. Well, trying to be optimistic in such a condition wasn't that easy though, but here were some of my thoughts while waiting for my sentence:

1. I would have lesser a chance of having a car accident on the road since I may not be able to drive.
2. There would be the enjoyment of enjoying scenery cause I'll always be the passenger, but a payed driver would be necessary though.
   
3. Who my real friends are I will really know. As in whenever I needed to go anywhere, I'll know who were my friends who would be able to provide me transport all the time. I'm pretty sure thats what friends do for you right?
4. Because of this, there would be a highly lesser chance my future will not be in Malaysia, cause of the lack of proper public transport unless its improved which I feel unlikely.

Pessimistic thoughts I really couldn't keep my mind off too:

1. I will be such a drag to others
2. It will be so inconvenient
   
3. I will have at least one thing missing in my life-driving.
4. What would my future girlfriend think about driving all the time?
5. How would we be dating? She picking me? Sounds not that right....disgraceful actually.

           When all these thoughts were going through my mind, I came to the conclusion if the worst case scenario occurred, and since in our driving theory study guide wrote about countries whose driving license were allowed to be used in Malaysia, that would be my final choice-finding a country in which color recognition wasn't necessary. Anyway, through this all, my turn with the real doctor came. I was actually very nervous with my driving tutor beside me. The doctor had a few minutes discussing with her assistant and this was what she said(in Malay, but here): "On the road, you won't find much of a combination of colors at all. So I think it would be nothing wrong for you to drive right?" That answer along with the her signature, brought really to great gratefulness to God. I also felt like going to this lady eye-doctor and hugging and kissing her, not thinking she was Malay. Don't worry guys, I didn't do such a criminal act as kissing a Muslim lady doctor.

         With passing this, I went on to pass the theory test today by God's grace. Here are some other incredibly-optimistic examples:

• When one fails school exam, his optimistic responce would be, "Nevermind I failed, at least I can continue with my studies (my opinion against Malaysian schools) and get into the lousiest class in which I'll be able to party in school! Have more time practicing__________"  
• A sport player loses a match, "At least I have made someone very happy today! First, the organizing team since I had to pay to join, they earned my money and secondly, my opponent of course."
• A guy/girl breaks a relationship, "Now I'm free and be able to be interested in someone again!"
• A kid gets badly beaten for a punishment, "At least I won't be able to go school and can enjoy home-life!"

        Just some random thoughts though! Yes, I haven't mention how come I haven't been in the blogging world for ages. Sorry people, have been really busy with a lot of things and kinda seem to have lost the blogging spirit and lack of topics too. I have both bad and good news though,  GOOD NEWS: especially to xangians, ever since many of my pals have changed to blogspot, well, I haven't even thought of leaving this great xanga. Don't worry, I'm not unlike others. BAD NEWS: As you have noticed in all my posts, it has always been a big gap of days between these and I'm afraid to say this run of lack of posts will be continuing. Here is something you might want to try, color tests which I can't seem to see any numbers in these except the first. Its only in 10% of males and very rare in females. Why do I have to be part of the minimal amount?

Here's an article I have just read recently.  Have read and heard it being preached countless times, but whenever I do hear it again, it stills speaks to me. Hope it does change the way you live your life. Time is precious!!! Have a great day!!!